The challenge

Edit the copy that will go on to the HSBC Australia extra care page. This page is mainly for customers who may find it hard to bank with us through the usual ways.

The context

The Australian team gave us the content and asked us to help review it so it aligns with the style guide. We went the extra mile by looking at ways to improve the overall readability. At one point, we pushed back against the Legal and Compliance teams as their version fell short of the ideal readability score.

The solution

Original (from Legal and Compliance)

The original version had a Flesch Reading Ease score of 51.7, or a Flesch-Kincaid Grade level of 11.2. That means that the reader would need to be as literate as an average 16-year old to understand the content… defeating the very purpose of the page.

Applying for a product online may not be the best option for you if:

  • You have any doubts about whether this is the right product for you or you have never held a product like this before;
  • You have experienced difficulty in the past with using online services;
  • You have difficulty reading and/or understanding English;
  • You are experiencing circumstances in your life at the moment which are causing you to feel overwhelmed, distressed or concerned;
  • You are sight or hearing impaired and accessing material in another form would be better for you;

In these cases applying for the product by speaking to us directly may be more appropriate for you.

Please note that if you do continue to apply online and at any time during the producers, you:

  • are unsure of what you need to do to proceed;
  • do not understand any items listed in the application form or the terms and conditions you are shown;
  • would like to have more support from a member of our staff (or where appropriate, an independent party) in completing your application; or
  • you need the Bank to be aware of your circumstances to enable us to service you better.

You can stop the application process online and you can apply for this product by speaking directly to us to allow us to discuss the appropriate support you may need.

Speak with our friendly team on 1300 131 605 (Monday to Friday, 8am to 8pm AEST) or find a branch near you. When speaking to us, please note that HSBC provides general financial product advice only and doesn’t take into account your objectives, financial situations or needs. You can also consider if you need independent legal advice.

Revised (from Copywriters)

The revised version has a Flesch Reading Ease score of 68.5, or Flesch-Kincaid Grade level of 6.6. That means that the reader need only be as literate as an average 11-year old to understand the content. This makes the page content more accessible to a wider group of customers, including immigrants who may ask their children to help translate for them.

Applying for a product online may not be the best option for you if:

  • you don’t know whether this is the right product for you
  • you’ve never had a product like this before
  • you’ve found it hard to use online services
  • you find it hard to read or understand English
  • you’re feeling overwhelmed, distressed or concerned due to tough times
  • you’d like to access materials in a different way due to sight or hearing impairments

If that’s the case, you can contact us directly instead.

If you decide to go ahead anyway, you can still stop at any time if you:

  • are not sure what you need to do to proceed
  • don’t understand the terms and conditions or the things listed on the application form
  • would like more support from our staff, or an independent party if needed, to complete your application
  • need us to be aware of your situation so we can serve you better

You can get in touch with us on 1300 131 605, from Mondays to Fridays, 8am to 8pm AEST. Or you can find a branch near you.

Please note that we can provide general financial product advice only. This advice isn’t tailored to your goals, financial situations or needs. You can also consider if independent legal advice is right for you.

The outcome

With the help of colleagues on the Australian team, we finally managed to advocate for our revised version successfully. I’ve also used this page as an example to demonstrate the value of copywriting and content design.