The challenge

Shorten an important notice so that it displays better on mobile and is friendlier to the user’s eyes.

The tone of voice

The HSBC Group tone of voice is human, insightful, confident and witty.

Given the more serious context of this notice, being witty did not apply. However, we could still make the copy sound less corporate and stuffy.

The solution

  • Cut down on the length
  • Remove any redundancies
  • Declutter the interface
  • Simplify the legal jargon

The outcome

While we never did end up implementing the edited version, it served me well when I spoke at the first internal copy masterclass, attended by more than 40 colleagues from a wide range of functions. It helped me to illustrate to stakeholders the value of our work as digital copywriters… albeit resulting in a surge of copy requests shortly after.

Extra

I leveraged my design skills to refresh the interface for the screens shown.